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Friday, June 25, 2010

Crazy

It's not that she was completely crazy. Actually, she was quite functional in her life. But it was clear to everyone (except for her, of course) that she needed her meds just a little more than the rest of us need ours.

So I wasn't surprised one afternoon as I was walking by her house when she flagged me down to share something that didn't seem completely right to me.

"Pastor! The street lights! They're really really bright now! I mean, I sit out on my steps every night but last night I could hardly stand it when the traffic light changed from green to yellow and red and back to green. And the crosswalk signs, too. I mean, they're all just so bright!"

She was a bit panicked and needed some assurance that the world wasn't coming to an end. After our chat she seemed to feel better but wasn't completely satisfied. I moved along in my day and soon forgot about the conversation.

But when I was out walking in the dark I remembered it. I noticed that the lights WERE brighter. A LOT brighter! And not just the ones by her house but on every street corner in the neighborhood. And no one else out that night seemed to notice, much less be bothered by it.

The 11:00 newscast rescued both of us from our distress. We learned that the city had started at our end of town in converting all the stoplights from incandescent to LED in hopes of saving energy. Our peace was restored.

Just like what happened with that morning's conversation, it's easy for me to not really remember what people say when they think a little differently than I do. I can consciously or subconsciously dismiss what someone says based on gender, education, race, culture, IQ, theology, socioeconomic standing, and a myriad of other "qualifiers" that are wired into my brain.

When I can recognize this, I need to have a bright yellow or flashing red light come on at the intersection of my synapses. I'm not saying that all expressed thoughts and ideas are equally valid; I just need to make sure I don't dismiss them because the speaker seems a little crazy to me. There may be some truth in there that I have yet to see.

Because that's what the folks did to people like Isaiah and Jeremiah. Both of these men came across to others as basically functional but in need of some meds. Yet, they were the ones who saw the bright new Light before the rest did. But instead of listening, the people had to take a walk in the darkness before they remembered what these men had tried to tell them.

I wonder what God is trying to reveal to me today and if I am unwilling to hear it just because of who He is using to convey it. I hope I can see His brightness before I need an 11th hour rescue to have my peace restored.

Lord, help me to be open to your Truth. Remove my blinders that I might see You.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Quit

"Get out of this church and NEVER come back!" I yelled at the kids as I shoved them out the door. I closed the blinds, set the alarm, locked the door, and marched home. As I came through the door to my house carrying several boxes of untouched pizza with me, my wife remarked that I was home earlier than usual. I replied, "I quit --- and I'm GLAD!"

Not my finest ministry moment.

The kids had come into the second session of Pizza Church loudly bossing me around and complaining about how much pizza they think they deserved. Between the first and second sessions the kids gathered outside were fighting, yelling, and causing a scene that made all the neighbors nervous and regretful that the church was on their block. The first session was full of kids who were snarky with me and each other.

And just before all this started the other person who was to be on staff that night canceled so I was the only grown-up in the room.

The kids were sure surprised the next week when they showed up and I didn't. I had already been scheduled to be out of town and those who were filling in had been advised of the previous week's events. They leveraged them for all it was worth.

It was then that the kids started to take the situation seriously. They started to figure out that I would be back when I was ready to come back, not when they demanded. They started to figure out that there are lines that cannot be intentionally and repeatedly crossed without consequences. They started to figure out that if we were to continue together it would be based on an appropriate and healthy relationship with me and with each other.

And when I got back in town I was back at the youth group again. Things didn't change instantly. I said that they started to figure out things. But there was just enough movement in the right direction to give us some space to work things out.

So I have to wonder how often Jesus is talking to me when I read from Matthew 17:17 in which He said, "How much longer must I be with you? Why do I have to put up with you?"

I sometimes get a bossy attitude with Him about the things I think I deserve. If I'm not careful my behavior and interactions can draw negative attention from those around me and have them questioning if they want Him around. My cynicism leads to snarkiness with Him and those who are trying to serve Him.

So once in a while I need a time out. It's then that I start to take things seriously again. I start to figure out that I don't have "God on Demand" but that I'm on His agenda. I start to figure out that there are negative consequences to my behaviors and attitudes if I repeatedly and intentionally go to those dark places. And I start to figure out that life in God's Kingdom is about living in an appropriate and healthy relationship with Him and with those around me.

I'm glad He doesn't kick me out telling me to never come back the way I did with the kids. And I'm glad that he's patient with me so I can be in "start to" mode over and over again.

By the way, in being true to character, all of those kids who I told to leave and never come back utterly refused to do what I said. Every last one of them kept coming back. They refused to give up. I think that might be an indicator as to who the grown-ups were in the room.

Thank you, Jesus, for your abundant grace. Help me grow in relationship with you and with those around me.