Lights

I was at the "Why do I even bother?!?" point. Recent weeks had shown battle after battle fought with no victory in sight.

The state had recently approved slot machine gambling as its newest form of taxation. The city was working feverishly to establish a gambling hall only a few blocks from the church.

Under the guise of "helping," neighbors had organized and taken a NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) approach to the issue of homelessness by having the people who lived under the bridge bussed to a shelter. Drivers at the off-ramp would no longer be bothered. (Given my familiarity with living conditions in most shelters, I would probably choose a freeway bridge over a shelter if I found myself needing to make that choice.)

The list of these types of events went on and on. The world's self-focus, exclusive dependence on the senses, and short-sighted time frames [If I don't pay the tax then it must be good. If I don't see homeless people then there must not be a problem with homelessness. All my problems must be solved to my satisfaction NOW.] out voiced Jesus' call to love our neighbors, care for the poor, work for justice, and share generously.

It was in this defeated state of mind that I boarded the airplane that evening. I was headed to some training in California and had a direct flight to LAX with a brief stop in Las Vegas.

Flying into Vegas on a clear, dark, desert night is quite a spectacle, even by Vegas standards. The city's lights glow against the barren darkness from more than 100 miles out. The clear, dry air lets you pick out details of buildings along Las Vegas Boulevard as you descend. The end of the runway seems to almost touch the properties at the south end of the Strip.

It's quite a sight. And as we touched down and the plane slowed I could see the emerald glow of the MGM. Nealy in front of me was the brightest light ever created by man beaming upward from Luxor. The myriad of other bright, sprawling casinos shown proudly against the black sky.

All I could think in this instant was, "How can the Truths of the Gospel, how can the ways of God win? The spectacle and allure of the world seem just too appealing."

As the plane rounded the end of the runway and u-turned to head to the gate, an audible gasp! arose from the folks on my side of the plane. There was a buzzing of voices and a pointing of fingers outside.

As I looked out the window I saw a scene usually reserved for science-fiction fantasy posters. Rising above the shadowed mountains was a giant full moon. In my experience, a giant full moon looks orange and is much dimmer than when it's at its regular size. This night, however, the moon seemed to shine at its full brightness and appeared close enough to require planes to be routed around it.

The glowing lights of the Strip seemed a pathetic amateurish attempt and failure at imitation. The strong, solid, silent presence of real light was there for all who would turn their gaze toward it.

I'm sure more people bought tickets to shows at the famous and infamous stages of the casinos than spent five minutes looking up to see the real show in the desert that evening. The performance was free, available to all, and required that one only look away from the glitz of the world to fully experience it.

The full moon has been rising over the Nevada desert from well before it was called Nevada or even was a desert. It will continue to do so long after the last of the neon has flickered out and the sands reclaim their domain.

So when I find myself in a dark valley with the harsh, glaring ways of the world seeming to be the only guide for the people around me, I need to remember to look up, gasp, point my finger toward what's really happening, and passionately encourage them to look up, too. The true Light is here, close enough to reroute traffic and bright enough to guide those who will stop and stand, even for a few minutes, in awe, allowing His glow to trump our world's pathetic amateurish attempt and failure at imitation.

Lord Jesus, be the Light in my darkness. Give me the wisdom to look to You and to experience You, timelessness amid the temporal imitations of circumstance and place. Let me point to You so that others may see your Light and join in the awe of your Way.

Underestimate

To say I was hesitant to teach about finances, especially tithing, in the middle of a neighborhood listed as the 7th highest concentration of poverty in the US was an understatement. I had decided not to do it.

Initially, this was fine. Many "ministers" had scammed people in the area over the years and when I arrived the already established policy at the church was to not ask for money from those who gathered. This was healthy, appropriate, and good.

WAS.

I had a growing conviction that the season for hesitation was over and that I needed to teach people to give. I was not interested in doing so. For over a year I wrestled with God, and argued with my conscience, and all but printed out charts and graphs to justify my mind's decision.

The Spirit's conviction wasn't all that interested in my thoughts and feelings on the subject.

I finally stood before the congregation and told them that I had to confess before them (THAT always gets their attention!). I told them of my wrestling with a topic I needed to teach but didn't want to. I apologized and told them that the day's sermon topic was on money.

At that point, everyone ---- EVERYONE ---- perked up. The group that had gathered that day was riveted as we talked about tithing and first fruits and savings and the responsibilities the come with material positions.

The real shocker for me came the next Sunday. After that service I opened the little offering box and it had more than just a few dollars in it. It was no where near our expenses for the week but it was a seven-fold increase over the previous week.

I didn't know how to feel: Happy that people had responded? Guilty wondering if it was more than people could afford? Humbled at the sacrifice? Encouraged by the sense of ownership people displayed? Thankful for the bounty? The Spirit said, "Peace."

The Sunday after that, the amount given doubled again. Two families in the congregation privately told me that they had committed themselves to tithe.

Now, I'm not a prosperity preacher; I don't believe that that size of your faith determines the size of your Cadillac. But whenever we step out in faith the Spirit blesses us in wonderful and mysterious ways. And within two months of those families having followed the Spirit's conviction and faithfully committed to tithing, each had been given a car. These gifts were unsolicited, didn't come from people in church, and were complete surprises.

And I didn't know how to feel then, either. I think the reason for that is the same reason I wrestled with teaching about money in the first place.

That reason is my tendency to underestimate God. It comes out of my own foolishness and faithlessness. We read in Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD." NIV Because His ways are (thankfully!) so different from mine I can't predict what He will do or how He will do it.

I guess that's where faith comes in. It took faith from a variety of people to let this story come to light. Faith to follow the Spirit to teach an uncomfortable subject. Faith to tithe. Faith to recognize the source of the blessing. Faith to watch for the Spirit's movement despite underestimating what He will do.

Lord, as I journey with You help me to look beyond what I can see, trusting in Your ways and never underestimating what You might do.

Call

It was love at first sight. A friend of mine was in town for a few days to get some ideas to use in her ministry. Then he walked in. Their eyes met. Instantly he knew. He was about 12 years old and it was as if he'd met his long lost grandmother.

He was at church more that weekend than any other time I can remember. He would come early and stay late just to be around her a little more. Between activities he would run down the block to his house to "put on something nice," something we'd never seen him do before.

And the feeling was mutual. This kid had instantly gotten into my friends heart. Between activities she would ask more details about his life. She gave him lots of special attention throughout the weekend. He was clearly her favorite.

After the final activity on Sunday evening she and I were debriefing her visit. Naturally, she asked some more questions about this boy. Somehow it came up that he had not been baptized.

A kind of panic came over her. She emphatically declared, "I've got to find him." She dashed out onto our dark street that dark September night and started yelling his name. Over and over again she called as it echoed off the row houses. She had to see him one more time.

After a few minutes he came out of his house. They had a long, quiet, private conversation on the sidewalk directly in front of the church then parted. Relieved, she came back into the church to continue with our conversation.

How strange and wonderful it must have been for him be in his house and to recognize his name being called out. How strange and wonderful it is when we hear the One who loves us calling our name.

Have you heard your name called out by the One who loves you? Over and over and over His voice echoes through all of creation calling us to step out from where we are and to come to Him.

He's been in love with us since the beginning of time. Though we have a long history of doing all we can to ignore the calling, to reject the love, to hide and keep our distance, to try to be unlovable, He still calls out to us day and night.

I shutter to think what would have happened had the boy not come back outside that night. To what lengths would my friend have been willing and able to go between that moment and her departure the next day in order to let him know how much he is loved? And none of us knew how much we would cling on Love's foundation in just a few days that night of September 9, 2001.

Listen. Your name is echoing down the streets. Your Creator calls you by your name. He wants you to know even more of His love. He wants to encourage, equip, and empower you to live in His love each moment. Step out your door and come to the sound of His voice.

Lord, let me hear Your love's call. Let me respond in love to that call and come out of my world to You.

Peacemobile

The Peacemobile came to town! We hosted it at the church as the children from the nearby elementary school came in, two or three classes at a time, to learn about how they can have personal peace, interpersonal peace, cross-cultural peace, and environmental peace.

One of the kids in a group I took through the activity centers lived next door to me. She was completely engaged in each of the activities and took a leadership role in the group. In debriefing at the end of each activity she had a solid concept of peace and some skills in building it.

That evening I got to listen through our far-from-soundproof walls as the adult in her home screamed profanity at her and then hear her painful cries as her body was struck repeatedly throughout the evening.

Did 45 minutes with some activities at the church make her life any better? I don't know. I do know, though, that despite what happened later in the day, she experienced 45 minutes of peace that morning.

You and I meet a lot of people each day. We have no ideas what battles they're in the midst of fighting for their physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual survival. If we really knew what was happening in the lives our our cashier, coworker, supervisor, teacher, waiter, or neighbor who lives across the street we would probably be overwhelmed.

This only amplifies the need for me to be a Peacemobile in my world. A lot of days I am more like a tank crashing through every thing and every one. But if I can lower the guns and get along with the world around me, reach across cultural barriers, try to get along with others, and respect myself enough to actually live this way I might, might, might, might, might provide someone a few moments of respite from the battles that surround them.

Jesus said, "Come to me and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28b) Can we be that place of rest for those we encounter in a war-torn world?

Lord, make me a channel of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, your pardon Lord;
and where there's doubt, true faith in you;
O Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen. ---- St. Francis

Need

As people were gathering before the Sunday morning service, a woman who lived across the street from the church whipped open the door and ran across the back of the room at full speed. One second later she dashed back out of the building, plunger in hand.

Just a few minutes later and still in time for church, she returned at a more relaxed pace and put the plunger back in the women's restroom. To those of us still chuckling and with inquisitive looks on our faces, she announced, "I thought I was headed for a disaster. But then I remembered that what I needed was here in the church."

When we think we're headed for disaster do we remember that what we really need is in the Church? No, the church can't immediately solve all of our problems for us. But when the Church is alive, in it are encouragement, wisdom, truth, support, correction, help, comfort, healing and strength. In it is the reminder that we are not alone, both because of the presence of his Spirit and the presence of His people. In it our impending disasters are not measured by the world's standards but by the power God gives us to endure, to overcome, and to become more than conquerors.

Can the Church become known in the world as the place that, when disaster seems imminent, people can find what they really need?

Joy. Hope. Love. Peace. Community.

And, occasionally, a plunger.

Lord, help me to truly be a part of the Church. Help me bring what is truly needed into the lives of all those I encounter this day.

Why

The President of the church surprised us with a visit. We knew he was in the area for another event and we learned at the last minute he would be able to stop by for our kids activities on Sunday afternoon and for our evening services later that day.

He arrived just as the kids gathered. After we sang our songs and offered prayer, we turned the lesson time over to the President so he could talk with the kids. After asking them some questions about who they were, he asked, "Why do you come here?"

And I panicked.

My immediate silent prayer was, "Good Lord don't let them answer 'Because we get candy bars after the lesson.'"

Hands shot up immediately and he called on the boy I thought most likely to give a full description of the types of candy he preferred. The boy answered, "To be in the presence of God." The next kid answered, "To learn things from the Bible." The one after that said, "So I can practice how God wants me to live each day." The fourth said, "Because it's peaceful here."

I have to admit that I often go to church just for the candy bars. I like being around people I know, singing the songs I like, hearing from my favorite scripture passages, and sharing in testimonies about how God has been nice to those who have gathered.

I want to be more able to answer as the kids did:

-"To be in the presence of God" knowing that His presence is wonderful yet carries conviction that loves me so much it scares me enough to correct what isn't right and to do things I don't want to do.

-"To learn things from the Bible" knowing that the pages I don't often look to are filled issues and concepts and Truth that are hard for me to understand & embrace and that if I look more closely at my favorite passages I realize that I've only scratched the surface of their meaning.

-"So I can practice how God wants me to live each day" knowing that it means that I need to go deep into the messiness of other people's lives and let other people go deep into my own mess so that together we can practice patients, kindness, mercy, grace, compassion, faithfulness, endurance, acceptance, correction, love.

-"Because it's peaceful here" knowing that peace is rooted first in the choice God makes to live at peace with us despite ourselves and second in our call to share that peace with others despite themselves and ourselves.

Candy bars are delicious. But a diet heavy in them, no matter how tasty, leaves us flabby and starved. The kids said they came to church for the meat and potatoes of the Gospel along with the Fruit of the Spirit. May I be able to honestly answer something better than "because of the candy bars" the next time someone asks me why I go to church.

Lord, nourish me at your banquet. Guide my cravings to the spiritual foods that will help me grow strong in You.

Fight

As the last of the kids were leaving their Sunday afternoon activities at the church, two of our faithful participants started a full-on fist fight blocking the exit door.

It was not an even match. One kid was a short, spindly 8 year old while the other was an 11 year old who looked like a linebacker. We separated the boys and held their adrenaline-filled bodies far enough apart to let the rest of the group exit.

Hoping to invoke the peacemaking skills she'd been teaching in recent lessons, one of our volunteers stood between them and calmly asked, "What would Jesus do?"

The older boy raised his hand and She gently acknowledged him. He replied, "He would tell that little boy to get down on his knees and repent!" Hearing that, the little one dashed out the door and down the street. The other made chase. After hitting each other for a few minutes they were OK with being friends again.

Somewhere in my brain is an image of God calling me to repentance and my immediate, respectful bowing at His throne in submission. The reality of the relationship, though, is a series of me squabbling with Him followed by my running down the street trying to escape.

I'm really glad that in Genesis 32 Jacob's name was changed to Israel and that his descendants, as God's people, were called Israelites. Loosely translated, Israel means "he who wrestles with God." It reminds me that the ones who are willing to really wrestle with Him are the ones who will be called His people.

The One who is bigger than me continues to call me to repentance. When I get tired of running I will cry "Why God Why?" "When God When?" and "You want me to do WHAT?" as we take it to the mat. I know He will win, but the wrestling both wears down my resistance and builds up my strength. Once we do this I'm OK being friends with Him again.

Lord, help me each day to be repentant and not be afraid of being one You would name Israel. Let my struggles with You take me to where I might become more fully Yours.

Precision

Fifty-seven cents. That was the balance of the church checkbook when I left the neighborhood for a few days of meetings at church headquarters. We had been through a series of expensive crises in rapid succession without a whole lot of cash to start with. Our donors from outside the neighborhood had just been generous enough to keep us afloat for the past two months. With all our regular bills and summer camp fees on the horizon we were down to fifty-seven cents.

After the final service of the event at headquarters I stopped by the Temple sanctuary for one last set of prayers before catching the plane home into the reality of the world of fifty-seven cents.

Just before I said "Amen," a woman came up to me and whispered, "You're Jeff from Baltimore, right?" Upon my nod, she said, "Take this" and left the room.

What she gave me was exactly enough cash to buy the pizzas for that evening's youth activities that I was leading upon landing.

All the problems were not solved, the crisis was not over, but things were OK. They were OK because of the precision of God's understanding of the situation.

Yes, He could have followed my plan by sending $1M, taking the full temporal burden away. But the reminder of His intimate understanding of the needs at hand carried me further than my quick fix idea would have.

Jesus reminds us that even the hairs on our head are numbered (Luke 12:7). Even when going bald (in my case sometimes figuratively, always literally), knowledge that He knows me and my situation with immeasurable precision makes me a little more willing to let Him work in His ways than trying to force my ways on Him.

Lord, help me always to remember how well You know me and my circumstances. Through that knowledge let me better trust Your ways in my life.

Dignity

It was an exciting day when the church moved into it's new building. The old building was a rat-infested smelly dilapidated fire trap of disgust (those who have been there know that this description is grossly understated) that God had used to do a great work in people's lives. The new building was clean and fresh and bright and wonderful in every way.

The first Wednesday we were there the 12-step group that had been meeting for several years in the old building held its regular session at the new location. Afterward, several of the group's members asked to meet with me.

They all had concerned looks on their faces and hesitated to speak. One finally asked, "Is it really OK for us to meet in here?" Confused by the question, I answered, "Of course" with a perplexed expression on my face.

A couple of them started to tear up. Another spoke, "No, you don't understand. Most of us aren't allowed in nice places. We've done a lot of bad things and aren't welcome someplace nice like this. Are you sure we can really meet here each week?"

After several more assurances, they left boisterously with a new spring in their steps.

For me, much of the work the Gospel calls us to is like this story. When we can help restore dignity in others in some way we are correctly answering the question "What Would Jesus Do?" I see Him touching the leper, talking with the Samaritan woman, valuing the widow's mite, and accepting the perfume poured over his head. In these and other acts, he restored human dignity.

For those of us who follow Him, we should not be surprised when we have a moment similar to the one experienced by the 12-step group. He has promised to go to the Father's house to prepare a place for us (John 14:2). It's not the kind of place that we would normally be allowed to go. Yet, in it our dignity as one created and loved by Him will be fully restored.

Lord God, as I go about my day help me to begin to restore dignity in the lives of those I meet even as You have done and continue to do in me.

Awesome

Just after sunset one summer night several of us were working on a mural on the side of a building in our neighborhood. The mural featured Jesus carrying a baby, pulling a wagon full of kids with toys, and several children following after him.

While we were working, a local prostitute (obviously stung out on drugs) staggered briskly down the other side of the street. She hollered out at us, "That Jesus is F***ing AWESOME!" and continued on her way. At that point there was no sense in continuing to paint as we could do nothing but laugh hysterically and pack up for the night.

As Christians we're used to words such as "awesome," "wonderful," majestic," and the like to describe God. They roll off out tongue but don't always connect with the awe and wonder and mystery that we so easily miss in the chaos of daily living. We get distracted by traffic and television and personal crisis and debates about what color the new carpeting at the church should be, burying the sense of awe and wonder of who God is and what Jesus has done for us and how the Holy Spirit continues to move each day.

How can we live each day with the passion for Jesus expressed as freely and unashamedly as our local prostitute that night? Do we sometimes become so habitual with our faith that there's no room for wonder? If we realized that Jesus is even more than "effing awesome" and lived it out in our daily activities what would our lives be like? Our churches be like? Our world be like?

Jesus, fill us with awe for You. Help us to live in the wonder and mystery that You are and invite all to live in Your indescribable presence each moment.